Watching Life in It's Evolution

This is a difficult post for me to write ... but, I want to be authentic and hopefully, with that intention, encourage all of us to more be and share who we are along life's path. So, here goes ...

I'm sure you recall my thrill and sheer enthusiasm nearly six months ago when I had the opportunity to share a studio space in the new Ashland Art Center's Second Floor Artist Studios. And for me it was a huge jump, finally believing I could possibly afford and had something to offer the public in sharing openly my art and my process. I began being asked to teach more, I grew in focus abilities so that I could paint with more outside stimuli taking place around me, and I loved the juicy stimulation of being around the other fantastic artists in studios adjacent to mine. I felt I was really in the right and perfect place to blossom and thrive.

First, conflict and then, growing friction began to appear between some of my peer studio mates. We attempted to have meetings where miscommunications and misunderstandings came to the surface. I was hopeful, really looking at what I wanted to understand, discuss and clarify. Weeks went by and I grew more uncomfortable, alienated, and sad. When finally, there was a meeting where, the only resolution to the problems came, I needed to leave the shared studio space and there was no further communication.

For a couple miserable days, I watched myself and this old pattern I had learned and apparently carried into adulthood, became crystal clear to me. "I'd volunteered to be the victim!" Slowly, suddenly I woke up! I was volunteering to be the victim!! And within hours, I had a new mantra/affirmation running thru my head knowing that "I have the perfect studio space surrounded by supportive, stimulating professionals with high standards, integrity and communication skill"! I was NOT giving up my dream!

Back at the studio (remember, I still have students and a mentoring commitments to fulfill), I spoke to some of the other artists, telling them I'd be leaving. I was astonished and comforted to see that they didn't want me to have to leave either. But I didn't see any option ~ ~ all the studios were full with a waiting list for any vacancy. One very sensitive and kind artist even suggested we trim down the "Artist's Lounge" at the top of the stairs and carve out a new studio space for me. I appreciated her soft, warm thoughts. In a few days, I received a call from the Art Center Executive Director. She said there was a movement afoot that wanted to reduce the Artist's Lounge size and use the available space for a studio - my studio. Was I interested? I was near tears. Yes, of course I was interested! Next time I went up to the studio floor, there she was: a sweet 7 x 12 foot empty space, taped off and totally vacant, offering herself up to me. For me, a miracle had happened.

Today, I moved into my new, totally autonomous space. I now have room to hang my bigger pieces, still teach private individual classes and feel unencumbered with how I show my cards, prints, tiles and journals. I feel new and free and like my quickly formed mantra/intention came to fruition faster than I ever could have believed possible. But - it was true, my dream already existed right there in front of my very eyes! Only I hadn't seen it.

So, in my journal entry ... I wanted to express the full spectrum of emotion I was experiencing. I've chosen to use symbolism or metaphor to illustrate the feelings I was having in the previous shared studio space. And although I used representational images, I've coupled them with my own expression and meaning. This is a really considerate and professional (and actually, very intimately personal - because only I understand the exact meaning I intent) to use when there is the possibly people involved in the situation reading or seeing your journal. The image of my NEW studio space is my more colorful and precise vision . . . probably more a view from my heart than my eyes. Anyway, you all understand . . . but it's a challange for my heart to do the typing.

Appreciate your open and receptive hearts in sharing this episode of learning . . . and hope it can help you along your path of lessons as they present themselves.