For a couple miserable days, I watched myself and this old pattern I had learned and apparently carried into adulthood, became crystal clear to me. "I'd volunteered to be the victim!" Slowly, suddenly I woke up! I was volunteering to be the victim!! And within hours, I had a new mantra/affirmation running thru my head knowing that "I have the perfect studio space surrounded by supportive, stimulating professionals with high standards, integrity and communication skill"! I was NOT giving up my dream!
Back at the studio (remember, I still have students and a mentoring commitments to fulfill), I spoke to some of the other artists, telling them I'd be leaving. I was astonished and comforted to see that they didn't want me to have to leave either. But I didn't see any option ~ ~ all the studios were full with a waiting list for any vacancy. One very sensitive and kind artist even suggested we trim down the "Artist's Lounge" at the top of the stairs and carve out a new studio space for me. I appreciated her soft, warm thoughts. In a few days, I received a call from the Art Center Executive Director. She said there was a movement afoot that wanted to reduce the Artist's Lounge size and use the available space for a studio - my studio. Was I interested? I was near tears. Yes, of course I was interested! Next time I went up to the studio floor, there she was: a sweet 7 x 12 foot empty space, taped off and totally vacant, offering herself up to me. For me, a miracle had happened.
So, in my journal entry ... I wanted to express the full spectrum of emotion I was experiencing. I've chosen to use symbolism or metaphor to illustrate the feelings I was having in the previous shared studio space. And although I used representational images, I've coupled them with my own expression and meaning. This is a really considerate and professional (and actually, very intimately personal - because only I understand the exact meaning I intent) to use when there is the possibly people involved in the situation reading or seeing your journal. The image of my NEW studio space is my more colorful and precise vision . . . probably more a view from my heart than my eyes. Anyway, you all understand . . . but it's a challange for my heart to do the typing.
Appreciate your open and receptive hearts in sharing this episode of learning . . . and hope it can help you along your path of lessons as they present themselves.